Meeting Grandma and eatin' oysters

After two days in Dillon and two days in Anderson, we took our Christmas travels to Charleston with Chris and Kimberly. Every year, Chris’s family has a big oyster roast and this year we were privileged to be on the guest list. I was a little nervous for several reasons. First of all, I had only one previous experience with oysters and it ended with me dropping the slimy critter on the floor of the restaurant when I was about twelve. Never looked back. However, I am always up for trying new things (hence the surrogacy) so I made up my mind to give it another shot. What was hilarious was that everyone who tried to convince me that they were worth eating used the term “actually not that bad.” Not exactly the rave review I was seeking.

The second reason I was nervous was because I had never been to an oyster roast and did not know what to expect. What does one wear to an oyster roast? For some reason I pictured high society Charlestonians sipping Cabernet and eating brie. Let’s just say I was overdressed in my pearls—but hey, it went with the theme! At least I had the sense to wear jeans. It was much more like a backyard barbecue. Everyone gathered around the grill in the shed with denim rags and a knife hovering over these oysters and swooping in like vultures when they started to open. For the kids, it was the slimier the better, but being the sophisticated creature that I am, I preferred mine well done. Chris’s dad actually hand fed me my first three, dropping them on my tongue like he was a mama bird. It was too cute how out of his way he went to make me feel like part of the family.

And that leads me to the third and final reason I was nervous. Meeting Chris’s mother. Don’t get me wrong—she sounded like she was the sweetest woman in the world, but I was sure she was going to want to size me up. After all, if all goes well, I will be “baby-sitting” her grandchild for 9 months. It’s only natural she would do some sort of evaluation when she met me. She had already sent me a very touching email after first hearing the news in order to tell me she felt like her prayers for Chris and Kim had been answered. But this was going to be our first face to face meeting.

She came to the door and looked me straight in the eyes. Her own eyes started to water and she grabbed me and hugged me for at least ten seconds. I knew if she didn’t let go soon, we’d both be sobbing right there in the hallway like sissies. I cannot explain how much emotion and love was in her hug. I felt very blessed to experience a moment like that with someone. Meeting someone for the first time yet already feeling that they hold a deep amount of love and gratitude for you. Unbelievable. God is so good to me.

We left the oyster roast and went downtown to see some of the Christmas lights with Chris and Kim. We stopped at Starbucks and I got a delicious peppermint hot chocolate. The four of us laughed the whole way home. It was a great night.

We got a match!!!

On Tuesday I had my visit to the fertility clinic in Columbia. Davison drove down with me and Kimberly met us there. I was very excited and my mind was racing and I was talking superfast. I don't think it would have been nearly as noticeable except that the clinic lobby oozed a state of tranquility. There was dim lighting, it was whisper quiet, and they even had one of those little waterfall statues. It made me even more jittery and talkative to realize how displaced I was in those surroundings. I was very relieved to get out of that "library" lobby when they called us back.

The nurse's first question was "So…how long have you two been trying to conceive?" It was followed by Davison saying, "Is there something you want to tell me honey? Where are the hidden cameras?" After the nurse realized I was a surrogate, pretty much they just asked a bunch of questions…very detailed personal questions. Then they told me that there were a couple of issues on my health questionnaire that would require additional testing—anemia and a family history of thyroid problems. I asked if those issues would prevent me from carrying a baby and she assured me that it was nothing that couldn't be straightened out before the in vitro fertilization. I asked if I could go ahead and be tested since we lived out of town. Turns out we both needed to be tested, much to Davison's surprise, to make sure neither of us had any transmittable diseases. Davison didn't seem to mind, especially when he realized that Clemson football player Dorell Scott's mom was the one taking his blood. They chatted it up and had a good time. Kimberly got out my camera and took pictures of us giving blood together.

The best news of the day came when the Program Coordinator informed us that they had already found a donor for Kimberly. They turned in their application one week before and were told it could take 3-6 months to find a donor. Kimberly was sooo pumped. The donor had both of the qualifications Kimberly had wanted (intelligent and healthy--she's not picky, she just wants a healthy baby for pete's sake), and also had many similar physical characteristics that matched her own to boot. So now they will start the donor on the hormone treatments so they can go ahead and extract the eggs. I will go back in January for an ultrasound. They are planning to transfer the fertilized egg to my body in March/April. March or April!!!! Before that takes place, I will also have to do hormone treatments. Kimberly showed me the needles she had from where she had gone through the process to see if she could carry a baby. I have to say that I'm not really scared of needles, but this needle is pretty intimidating. The closer you get to it, the bigger it seems. It is two inches long and about as thick as a paper clip. I believe Davison will have to give me injections every day for a few weeks to prepare my body. The shots will be in my…err…badonkadonk. Poor Davison. I would not want to stick that needle into somebody. The clinic has offered to supply all medications for free to cut down on costs. We now have to meet with a psychologist who specializes in surrogacy. It will cost $1050 for her to do three sessions (one with me and Day, one with Kim and Chris, and one all together). Outrageous! Overall, though, the visit was a huge success and we are very excited about how optimistic everyone at the clinic was!

I guess that's about it for now…Keep praying—it's just the beginning!

How it all began....

It seems like lately I have been hearing more stories than ever of friends who are dealing with infertility. Despite the challenges they have faced, one by one, each of them has overcome the odds and eventually God has blessed them with a healthy bioligical child. It has been amazing to see them keep their faith and watch their struggles end in such a beautiful way.

And then there's my friend Kimberly. Kimberly is a cancer survivor. She had a rare form of cancer when she was a baby that resulted in the amputation of her leg when she was two years old. Now she is 28 and happily married. She desperately longs to be a mother, but due to the chemotherapy treatments she received when she was younger, she can no longer produce eggs and her uterus is so damaged that her body cannot support a pregnancy. After many doctors and treatments, she was told that they had done all they could but were fairly certain that she will never be able to have biological children.

Kimberly stopped by to visit me after her last visit to the fertility specialist and relayed the doctor's prognosis. When I heard the news, my heart broke for her. I am 27 years old, and while my husband and I are not yet ready for kids, I cannot imagine the disappointment of hearing this kind of news. They had also been pursing adoption as a possibility but they kept running into dead ends and the process appeared to be never ending. Kimberly had become extremely discouraged and the thought of having a child of her own seemed so out of reach. I felt like there had to be something I could do so I prayed about it and God made it very clear to me.

After two days of weighing my decision, I called Kimberly and asked if she would consider allowing me to carry a child for her and her husband as a surrogate mother. This way she could go through the ultrasounds, the birth, and the development of their baby with me. I just kind of blurted it out and told her not to answer until she had time to consider it fully and talk with her husband. I hung up having no idea whether I had offended her, made her uncomfortable, or left her thinking I was completely out of my mind. I got a call back an hour later, and I cannot begin to describe the amount of gratitude, excitement, and relief they conveyed to me through their response. I felt so incredibly blessed to have an opportunity to be a part of something so much bigger than I am.

And so the story begins...